A Letter to Myself One Year Ago
Many people do not know this, but I was in a mental hospital last year in June. I was admitted for suicidal ideation. I spent the longest 48 hours of my life wearing a hospital gown and socks and listening to addicts and alcoholics talk about their lives. It was the loneliest I have ever felt. It was my bottom.
I wanted to post this entry on the one year mark of the incident, but life got in the way and this was the last thing on my mind. This letter is something I wish I had a year ago. It could have saved me a lot of grief and trouble. But then again, everything happens for a reason.
Dear Past Jessie,
I know you are feeling worthless and incomplete. I know you feel as if there is no way out besides killing yourself. I know you believe deep down that you are a burden to everyone around you. Trust me when I tell you this: It gets better.
Though it seems impossible, you will feel like a new woman in no time. This part of your life is a very important stepping stone, and you must remember that this too shall pass. You will never forget the way you are feeling at this moment, but you will use this to fuel your fire to continue your fight.
Your family loves you more than you will ever know. You are everything to your dad; he would be lost without you. Your cousins are the siblings you've always had. Your friends are understanding and patient, and they will be there for you when you need them the most.
One year from now, you will be living in a new place, with new friends, a new job, and someone who means the absolute world to you. Scary, right? Trust me when I tell you, everything is going to be alright. Your life will be better and you will feel as if there is no evidence of the crazy, scared, incomplete girl you think you are today.
You will see the beauty of this world through new eyes. You will feel rejuvenated and undefeatable. You will feel happy.
You will see the true effects of suicide on those around you. There is denial and anger and heartache and tears. It's an irreversible action which leaves everyone feeling as if there was something they could have done to prevent it. You must fight this, Jessie. You must fight the voice in your head telling you lies about your worth. You must learn to love yourself.
You will find yourself again. There is more to life than what you're seeing right now. You are a smart, brilliant, funny, kindhearted person who deserves nothing less than happiness and love.
Your days will be brighter and your smile bigger. This I promise you.
With love,
The New, Happy Jessie
I've been through many obstacles in my life, but I have to say that this obstacle was the biggest and hardest. I want to thank my family and friends for standing by my side while I struggled to find my self worth. I want to thank a former friend for being the one who literally saved my life.
Now, I can truly say I am happy.
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, please contact the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 for help from a trusted professional.
I wanted to post this entry on the one year mark of the incident, but life got in the way and this was the last thing on my mind. This letter is something I wish I had a year ago. It could have saved me a lot of grief and trouble. But then again, everything happens for a reason.
Dear Past Jessie,
I know you are feeling worthless and incomplete. I know you feel as if there is no way out besides killing yourself. I know you believe deep down that you are a burden to everyone around you. Trust me when I tell you this: It gets better.
Though it seems impossible, you will feel like a new woman in no time. This part of your life is a very important stepping stone, and you must remember that this too shall pass. You will never forget the way you are feeling at this moment, but you will use this to fuel your fire to continue your fight.
Your family loves you more than you will ever know. You are everything to your dad; he would be lost without you. Your cousins are the siblings you've always had. Your friends are understanding and patient, and they will be there for you when you need them the most.
One year from now, you will be living in a new place, with new friends, a new job, and someone who means the absolute world to you. Scary, right? Trust me when I tell you, everything is going to be alright. Your life will be better and you will feel as if there is no evidence of the crazy, scared, incomplete girl you think you are today.
You will see the beauty of this world through new eyes. You will feel rejuvenated and undefeatable. You will feel happy.
You will see the true effects of suicide on those around you. There is denial and anger and heartache and tears. It's an irreversible action which leaves everyone feeling as if there was something they could have done to prevent it. You must fight this, Jessie. You must fight the voice in your head telling you lies about your worth. You must learn to love yourself.
You will find yourself again. There is more to life than what you're seeing right now. You are a smart, brilliant, funny, kindhearted person who deserves nothing less than happiness and love.
Your days will be brighter and your smile bigger. This I promise you.
With love,
The New, Happy Jessie
I've been through many obstacles in my life, but I have to say that this obstacle was the biggest and hardest. I want to thank my family and friends for standing by my side while I struggled to find my self worth. I want to thank a former friend for being the one who literally saved my life.
Now, I can truly say I am happy.
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, please contact the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 for help from a trusted professional.
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