And You Love All My Dark

Too often we are told how to feel, what to love, what to expect from other people, etc. etc. from social media. I can't scroll through Twitter, Facebook or Instagram without seeing at least one post from someone with the caption "Relationship Goals," "I need a man like this," or even "This is why I'm single." I'll admit, I'm guilty of posting similar things, but that's not what this blog entry is about. I want you to take a moment and think of the word love. L-O-V-E What comes to mind? Your boyfriend/girlfriend? Your husband/wife? Your Pinterest wall with your perfectly planned out wedding? Not to belittle any of the above thoughts, but have you ever pictured something else in your mind when you think of the word love? I'll tell you what I see.  I see my 4-year-old cousin running up to me to tell me all about his day only to talk so fast he forgets what he was saying. I see my cat Anabell rubbing her face in my hair at night before ...

For my fellow ladies. Can you name a time in your life where you've felt 100% beautiful? I mean sure, we all have good hair days, or good make up days, or even days where we feel absolutely hot. But I'm asking about beauty. Have you ever looked at yourself and thought, ' Wow, I am truly beautiful '? Beauty doesn't have to be just about looks. I believe it's more about what's on the inside. It's about the essence you have as a woman. The way in which you carry yourself portrays your beauty to those around you, and honestly, I think this is more empowering than any hairstyle or makeup trend. Recently, I've experienced a time where I felt totally and completely beautiful: I had boudoir pictures taken for a special someone for Valentine's Day. You may be thinking, ' But doesn't it matter more what he thinks about them than how you felt about them? ' Well, I went into it with the same thought. I wanted to make him happy, and I had no inten...

Dear Anxiety, I know we haven't known each other for very long, but I feel like we've come to a point in our relationship where I need to let you go. You scare me. You make me feel 2 inches tall. You're just too demanding and needy I can't deal with it anymore. I am sick and tired of you making me feel out of control of my mind and body. I don't feel safe with you around. It's time for us to split up. Believe me, this is going to be hard for me, although I came to this decision rather easily. You have had such a strong grip on my life for the last 7 months, and it feels like you know me all too well by now. You know what buttons to push to make me embrace you and give you attention. You know the right things to say in order to get the reaction you want. You're so intertwined with my mind and body that I honestly don't know how I could ever completely let you go. The scariest part of this decision is knowing that you will try to become stronger and ...

Ending a relationship is always hard. There are so many fears of the unknown and unanswered questions, and not to mention the hurt feelings. The relationship between the two of you isn't the only one that ends, either. You lose your relationship with his family, his friends, and even his dog. I think that's what makes things even harder. It seems like I've been wrapped around his finger for such a long time, that I've almost lost who I am on my own. It's impossible to pour from an empty cup, and that's just what I've been doing for the last year and a half. I love this guy, or at least the idea of him. I know it's going to take my heart some time before it will be able to love again. I know I need to make time for myself, so I can learn about my own wants and needs. I've been living in a dream where I thought I was the best a guy could get and that I deserved the world on a silver platter. Though that may be true in some instances, there will alw...

My very first blog post.. This reminds me of writing in my diary when I was younger (which I was terrible at). I honestly don’t even know where to begin, so I guess I’ll start with the beginning. I should warn you, I’m not afraid to get deep, and I won’t hold back or sugar coat anything I write here. I created this blog to help me cope with my anxiety and depression. Who knows, it could even help others cope with theirs as well. It sounds so cliché as I’m typing this, but I never thought I would be diagnosed with the D word. Although it runs in my family, I thought I was immune to the monstrous creature. I had a happy childhood, for the most part. I grew up surrounded by a loving family who bent over backwards time and time again to make sure I never had to go without. They say that hindsight is always 20/20. Today, I can attest to that fact.  I had a shitty childhood. My father was an alcoholic. My mother had Multiple Sclerosis and she went crazy. My family was poor. I wore...