To My Unborn Baby

Wow. It’s been years since I’ve written in this blog. So so so much has changed since my last post. I met someone, we got married, we bought a house, my father passed away, and we’ve had two miscarriages. 

That’s what brings me here today. My second miscarriage.

I don’t want to provide too much detail into the history of my pregnancies. I’d rather just write my thoughts and feelings that I’m having in this very moment. In this moment as I sit with a heating bad on my back and glass of wine while I’m actively miscarrying the little baby I prayed and yearned for. 


Dear Baby,

Hi. I’m your mother, Jessie. Your father, Tyler, is outside fixing a sprinkler head. And your fur-siblings (Remi, Mallie, Rooster and Loki) are running and playing in our backyard.
We miss you.

I miss the morning sickness and headaches. I miss the random food cravings and weird food aversions. I miss the crazy dreams you placed in my head. I miss you.

You were too beautiful for this world. God needed you more than your papa and I. He needed you to be with your Grandmother and Grandfather to watch over us. 

But that doesn’t make this any easier. 

This was supposed to be the one.

This was supposed to work. 

Instead, I lost you. I bled you out onto a maxi-pad or perhaps into the toilet. 

And I didn’t even notice.

I’m so sorry little Baby. 

Your papa and I longed and prayed for you. We wanted to give you everything in this world. We wanted to teach you and laugh with you and smile with you and cry with you. We just wanted you.

But you were too beautiful for this world. 

I pray you watch over me and your papa and your future earth-side siblings. 

You are not forgotten. You will never be forgotten. 
We will celebrate your life on your birthday. January 6th, 2021. We will never forget you. 

“To think - the first thing you saw when you opened your tiny little eyes was the face of Jesus.”

I love you, little Baby. 
Thank you for coming into our lives and giving us hope. 
We love you, little Baby. 

Until we meet again.
- Mama and Papa

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